Doctor jokes

▶ Did you hear about the latest birth control pill for men?
– You take it the day after. It changes your blood type.

▶ What did the vampire doctor shout out in his waiting room?
-‘Necks please!’


▶ Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill coubord quietly?
-So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills!!!!


▶ How are enemas and divorces alike?
-At first they are both pretty crappy but in the long run they feel pretty good!


▶ What’s the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?
– At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.


▶ What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money?
-“Do you see any change in me?”


▶Why do doctors slap babies’ butts right after they’re born?
-To knock the penises off the smart ones.


▶ My intent was to carry out my duty as a doctor, to end their suffering. Unfortunately, that entailed, in their cases, ending of the life.


▶ Lipitor is one of the most researched medicines. I’m glad I take Lipitor, as a doctor, and a dad.


▶ I don’t have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that.


▶ You know, I look to myself mainly as a creative writer all my life and a medical d


▶ When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn’t take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.


▶ When I was born, the doctor looked at my mother and said, ‘Congratulations, you have an actor!’


▶ You’re old when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.


▶ The kind of doctor I want is one who when he’s not examining me is home studying medicine.


▶ You so ugly when who were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back.


▶ I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.
2018-05-28T19:22:05+02:00 maj 1st, 2018|Categories: Funny jokes|0 Comments

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